Leadership farm life and legacy

We’ve all heard it, Farmers are the backbone of our communities, embodying resilience against the elements and countless uncertainties. They navigate business changes, seasons, staff, safety, and global impacts, all while feeling the weight of the world on their shoulders. But there’s more to this story, a story that often goes untold.

Beyond the farm gate, a universal human experience shapes how we lead and model for those around us. Who we believe we are defines us, and whatever we allow to define us owns us. Labels like “resilient” or “tough” can become identities that farmers feel they must uphold, locking them into ways of being that don’t serve growth or well-being.

While resilience is often celebrated, it can be a hidden trap. It implies that one must constantly take the hits and stay standing, no matter what. But humans aren’t designed to keep absorbing blows without consequences. Resilience, in reality, is a short-term response to stress, not a permanent state.

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Expecting constant resilience is like standing at a wall, waiting for the next round of uncertainties, and telling your children to join you. “This is just what we do. Put up, shut up, and keep up.” We are not designed to stay ‘on’.

The almost perverse pride attached to burnouts and breakdowns has been passed down through generations: “This is how we do things. It is what it is.” But what if we questioned this belief? What if we saw that the “keep up, put up, shut up” mentality doesn’t have to be our only way forward?

Success or growth doesn’t come from armouring up and wearing that suit of resilience indefinitely. Glorifying resilience can mask the true impact of continual hardship. If resilience means taking on more and more, it leaves no hope for relief, no reward for endurance. We don’t need more resilience in this half-shadow version.

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So, if it’s not about being resilient in the traditional sense, what is it about? We need more emotional fitness.

Emotional fitness is about learning ways to weather the storms. It’s not about laying all your feelings on the table. It’s about building personal character, a strong self-identity, and a cleaner perspective. It’s the confidence to navigate the seasons or storms of uncertainty without constantly living in them. Emotional fitness doesn’t mean a life without problems, because life is full of uncertainties, but it’s about acquiring the tools to handle challenges when they arise. It’s about not living in a perpetual state of crisis, where life’s hits erode your self-worth or the legacy you are leaving.

The key is not to become more calloused to succeed; it’s about becoming more emotionally flexible. When you build emotional capacity, you learn how to set boundaries, when to say no, and when to say yes. You begin to value yourself, which in turn teaches others how to treat you. You become a professional human being, resourceful and resilient in a balanced way, which impacts your professional approach too.

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Resilience is not about the ability to endure more but the ability to navigate life’s inevitable uncertainties as they arise. This isn’t about blame. It’s not about pointing fingers at our industry, our parents, or their parents. They did the best they could with the beliefs they had, and so have we.

But beliefs are just that, beliefs. They aren’t absolute truths, nor are they universally applicable. When we wear the mask of resilience, taking on life’s challenges without acknowledging the internal storms brewing, we create an unsustainable situation for ourselves and those around us.

How we see ourselves directly influences how we lead in all facets of life. Our sense of identity shapes our decisions, our relationships, and ultimately, our destiny. So, it’s crucial to question whether the narratives we’ve inherited still serve us or if they need updating for today’s world.

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You know, as well as I do, what happens when you don’t manage the weeds in your paddocks, they take over. The same goes for our emotional lives.

When we don’t tend to our emotions, they manifest in other, often unhealthy, ways. Whether it’s distractions, addictions, or unproductive habits, these are signs that we’re bypassing work we need to do. If you want an honest answer as to how your behaviour impacts others, ask your kids or partner with a promise of no reaction, just attention.

Building up emotional walls might seem like a solution, but it’s not sustainable. We need to feel. We need to acknowledge that being human means experiencing a full range of emotions, not just the ones that align with a tough exterior. This is where the concept of emotional resilience comes in. Unlike traditional resilience, emotional resilience is about building a healthier relationship with life’s uncertainties.

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Our children are watching.

They don’t need us to pretend to be something we’re not; they need to see us as whole humans. That means showing them how to navigate life’s challenges, not just the day-to- day tasks. Our kids deserve to see their dads as more than just “hands- on” men. They need to witness their fathers managing their feelings, not just managing the spotfires of running the farm. They need their mums to feel purpose and meaning in their lives and to stop self-sacrificing their way to success. This well-rounded approach to life, embracing both the heart and the hands when living on the land, is what will truly serve the next generation.

In a nutshell, the ‘keep up, put up, shut up’ approach has served us for a long time, but it may no longer serve our families or future generations as it once did. The human part of business is just as crucial as our focus on environmental impact, sustainability, and succession. It’s about honouring the hard work of those before us while embracing a more balanced, compassionate approach to our roles as guardians of the land. It’s time to redefine resilience for ourselves, our children, and our communities. The legacy we leave isn’t just in the land, it’s in the lives we touch and the lessons we pass on.